Daily Insight: Square Peg, Round Hole

A wise man once said "stop trying to fit a square peg into a round ass hole." That wise man as you can tell by the cadence of the phrase was obviously me. I say that to say the days of dragging out a relationship in hopes that you can shave off a corner here and a corner there to make a square peg more round are officially over. I knew months ago this peg wasn't meant to fit, and yet I kept trying to force it. 

Is it out of loneliness? Boredom? Delusion? Maybe all of the above. Nothing is going to be an effortless fit, but I'll be damned if I'm forcing anything else.

Happy Valentine's Day. 

Daily Insight: Getting Off Next Exit

A funny thing happens when you get into a relationship that you didn’t really see coming. You kind of are put on this highway where the person whose pushing the relationship is in one car in front of you, and you’re following. Then there’s always that moment when you get in front of them, because you’re now invested, and like this feeling.

Then it happens, that other person gets off the next exit without telling you, and you’re left driving along all by yourself. You’re not quite sure what happened when you finally look up in the rearview mirror, but you know it’s not good. They start communicating less. Spending less time. The affection dissipates. And you’re confused as hell.

You start to back track and ask all the questions that you already know the answer to in the back of your head, but need validation about anyway. The hardest part of it all is that you have to realize that when you started driving out in front you didn’t take the time to look up and see if their blinker was on or not.

And so you come to the point where you know what has happened and now you must deal. But the great thing is when you keep driving that exit that person got off at will eventually be a thing of the past. So far away you can no longer see it in your rearview. So keep driving..

-Becks

Daily Insight: 27th Hour

“About to take another shower on my 27th hour.” My 27th birthday is still sinking in. It was incredible, and still is. The turn up was so real, the love was so present, and the blessings were abundant. In the span of my birthday week I picked up my first check as a travel agent, got my dream apartment, and had the time of my life with my favorite people in the world.

26 was amazing to me, and I know 27 will be different but in all good ways. 27 is brining a whole new level of growth and responsibility that I am not only ready for but willing to take on. Everyone that wished me a happy birthday yesterday all mentioned how full of life I am and I never want to lose that. I am truly living my life to the fullest, and here’s to 27 more years of doing so!

-Becks

Daily Thought: Anita's Box

I know we have all heard the myth about Pandora's box. Basically Pandora's box is 4 walls that form a box and hold all of the worlds evils. When opened, the contents of the box can reek havoc on the world. I believe we as women all contain a Pandora's box of our own in our minds. And instead of holding the world's evils this box contains all of the unaddressed, and compartmentalized feelings we harbor.

I will go ahead and call this box Anita's box. Yes, Anita Baker, Anita. We all know Aunties Anita is good for a heart wrenching love song sung in an octave that only she can pull off. One of the most known of these songs is "Caught Up In The Rapture." I like to use this phrase as a metaphor for those times you are scrambling and dealing with feelings that seemingly come from no where. But the rapture does not descend upon us like a swarm of locusts when we least expect it. It slowly builds up on us.

That dude you met that you weren't worried about until he stopped worrying about you. Or that person that never quite goes away. Or that moment that you believed to be a fleeting moment of lust. You stuck all these feelings into Anita's box, never to be thought of again. Until one day, that glass of wine, or 6…or that Toni Braxton song rips the lid off Anita's box, and all those feelings attack you at once. 

There is a way to make sure this never happens. The only way to prevent a sneak attack from the rapture is to deal with feelings head on. Yes, we will all be caught up in some kind of rapture or another at some point, it's human nature. But when you deal with those feelings and skip to the next song on Anita's greatest hits you won't have to worry about hiding Anita's box so far away that no one will ever find it to open it back up again.

 -Becks

Happy Holidays

Twas the night of the Ugly Holiday sweater party
And all through the house, not a creature was twerking (yet) not even a mouse

The egg nog was made and spiked with care
In hopes that everyone attending would soon be there

Buster was nestled all snug in his bed
While visions of someone dropping some food on the floor danced in his head.

Mrs. Avery came downstairs, a full holiday ensemble in tack
While Mr. Avery was watching the TV loud as hell in the back

When the front door bell rang with such a ding
In came the guests with all the bottles and appetizers they promised to bring

Becky turned off the Boyz II Men holiday music
And turned on something a bit more ratchet, in hopes that everyone would lose it

Now Lindsey! now, Ashley! now, Willie and Krystle!
On, Trina! On, Nikkole! On, Jamol and Brittany!

Don’t you dare stand on top of the couch, or get any jean marks on the wall!
Or Mr. Avery will be screaming: Dash away! Dash away all!"

All the nog was drank, and the dancing had died down
It was time for everyone to get the hell up out of town

I heard someone’s tires screech as they drove out of sight,
"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!"

Daily Insight: Realize

A conversation with friends bought up a point I may of already mentioned in a previous post, but it’s so important I will reiterate. When you take the time to realize how blessed you are and focus on all the good in life, there’s no space for anything negative. I know that it’s not as easy as it sounds, but it is so, so very important.

Whether it’s just laughing at your mistakes in the moment, waking up every morning and just thanking God for the day, or taking the time to think good thoughts when you start to scramble. These small things will help you keep your head above water. I can’t speak for everyone. But I know I am blessed and highly favored. And things are falling into place in my life.

If I can’t focus on those things I need to have my brain rewired.

-Becks

Daily Insight: Days Are Not To Be Wished Away

A wise man once said “the trick is to enjoy life. Don’t wish away your days, waiting for better ones ahead.” Summer 2013 was really one of the best summers I’ve ever had. And that’s a lot coming from a person who has some good times.

Something happens to a person when there are so many exciting things going on. You find yourself in those slower days wanting to fast forward life to the next big event or reminiscing on the past, but in those moments I have to remember that the present is a time to be cherished.

Not every day is going to be perfect or exciting, but every single day is a blessing. Believe the small moments are going to add up to a much bigger picture when you take the time to piece them together. Life is a constantly growing and evolving thing. Each day is a link in the chain, and the chain can never be completed if days are skipped…every link is necessary.

-Becks

Daily Insight: Moment Of Clarity

Ahhhhh another year and another birthday have come around. I turned 26 on Tuesday, and I must admit this was a birthday that I was a little apprehensive about. Only because in my mind 26 is the milestone birthday where 30 is right around the corner.

In my irrational mind this was a scary thought. I say irrational now, because after several conversations with family and friends I realized 26 is a grown up birthday, and there comes a sense of peace. Yes, I am still full on scrambling but I feel as though I am scrambling in all the right directions. I am very settled in who I am becoming, the decisions I am making and where I am going.

This was reflected so much in the days leading up to my birthday. In those short days I had taken a step on faith for a career move, turned up with some of my best friends, and let the top back and thank God for the day. On my actual birthday the genuine love, admiration, and well wishes were amazing. It reassured to me that I am having a positive impact on the people in my life that matter the most. Their refection of me is all I could ever ask it to be. I am so grateful for all I have, and all I am working towards.

This will be the best year yet. Toasting to 26 and all it has to bring.

-Becks

Daily Insight: Be The Change You Wish To See

A wiseman once said "sour apple bitter bitches I ain't messing with them." I know this is not the most eloquently written statement, but Gucci Man was spitting truth none the less.

When life throws us some shade, as it tends to do from time to time, you can't let that change your outlook. You must keep an optimistic, or positive view no matter how hard it may be at the time. At the end of the day we are all attracting exactly what we give out.

If you give out sour apple bitter bitch vibes, best believe you'll attract people just like that. If you believe all men or women ain't shit you'll attract those kinds of people.

Life is all about reciprocity, don't get caught out here handing out and receiving bad vibes from life, cause ain't no one, not even a half illiterate, gold teeth wearing, rapper such as Gucci mane ain't messing with you.

-Becks

Daily Insight: The Curse Of Eve

Women have to deal with a lot. Between cramps, runs in panty hoes, spanx, and bra underwire I'm sure we are the species that has it the hardest. With all that said there's something especially hard to deal with, that I'm sure is a curse handed down to us specifically from the Almighty cause Eve just had to bite that damn apple.

That curse is the curse of dwelling on something and thinking about it over and over until the point of madness. Ask any woman if this curse has ever haunted her and I'm sure she will say yes.

This may occur when she tells the Dominican hairstylist to go ahead and spray that extra oil sheen in her hair...and regrets this decision when she's walking around looking like Steven Segal for a week.

Or this may occur when she sees those cute shoes in her size but decides to do the responsible thing and wait until it goes on sale, and comes back to find that every other biddie in the tri-state area wasn't being as frugal and she can't find her size anywhere.

But this is most prevalent in the case of "should of said this, should of done that" when it comes to affairs of the heart. I'm sure Aphrodite the Goddess of love had it out for us child bearing beings when it came to the emotion of love. There's always going to be those times where you spend time with, or talk to a person who has that special effect on you...and something may go wrong, or everything goes right. Either way you spend every waking moment of the next couple of days thinking and rethinking of what you could of said or should of done to make this person feel where you're coming from.

Believe me I suffer from it too..and no matter how many other distractions you have your mind always wanders back to the "should I of told him how I felt? What if I didn't say this? What if I did this?" Nothing will take those questions away...

You just have to be settled in the fact that you're not the only one thinking this way. Eve did it to all of us.

-Becks

Daily Insight: Almost Doesn't Count

A wise man once said “almost made you love, almost made you cry, almost made you happy babe, couldn’t imagine why, almost had me thinking you had turned around…but everyone knows almost doesn’t count.” This song was written by Brandy when she was in her teens, but she was wise beyond her years.

I see it happen all too often. A half ass effort is but forth when pursing a love interest, and it’s never gonna count. You almost had me thinking you were serious about leaving girlfriend #2 alone, you almost convinced me you would actually follow through on a plan, you almost had me sitting around wating on your call everynight…but almost doesn’t count.

The most prolific line in the song goes “I can’t keep on loving you one foot outside the door.” Amen Brandy, I say to all the almost doesn’t count ass niggas in the world either bring the other foot in the door, or step your ass all the way out, and don’t forget to close it after.

-Becks

Daily Insight: Rolling Stone

A wise man once said “papa was a rolling stone, wherever he laid his hat was his home.” I’ve always considered myself to be a rolling stone in the sense that I was always on the move. But after this week, I’ve gotten to realize this phrase in more of a literal way. I was one who underestimated the impact that Hurricane Sandy would have on the island I call home. But after Monday of last week I was sadly mistaken. After being in a house that a tree fell on, in the middle of the storm, and everyone I know in the Long Island area losing power I was sort of stuck to either endure the cold in my house, or pack a few pairs of draws and some outfits in a bag and house hop.

After a few days of sleeping under a lot of covers, and only one cold shower, I decided I would have to become that rolling stone. And what I have discovered in my bag lady days, is that there are so many people I can depend on. I may complain about the fact that I still have no power at my house 9 days later, but there are people who don’t even have a home to get power back at.

The one thing I can take away from this experience is that when someone else has to be that rolling stone, I will be sure my home is where they can lay their hat, as so many of my friends did for me.

-Becks

Daily Insight: Does It Make A Sound?

I’m sure we have all heard the age old question “if a tree falls, and no one is around to hear it, does it still make a noise?” This phrase has been edited to relay many different messages throughout the years. In this age of technology, transparency, instant gratification, and over sharing I have taken this phrase to mean one more thing.

I know we have all encountered those people on social networks that use the platform to do nothing but stunt. What I mean by stunt is basically bragging about all the exotic places they go, parties they attend, the upper echelon they rub elbows with, and money they spend. Those people sometimes do not realize they’re doing it, but I’m sure they’ve irritated their fair share of followers.

Which brings me to ask: if you don’t post it on twitter did it not happen? If you don’t post that picture on instagram does it not exist? If you don’t update friends and strangers alike on every milestone in your relationship does it not happen? With peoples lives being as accessible as they are, are there some things that are better left unshared?

-Becks

Daily Insight: Mountain Out Of A Mole Hill

I believe the most annoying thing about being a woman is our emotions tend to get the best of us at times. We kind of let our minds run wild and make up all kinds of scenarios when over analyzing situations or the actions of others.

A wise man once said "you can't make a mountain out of a mole hill." As a woman we tend to do this more than we like to admit. Hell we would make Mount Everest out of a sand castle. Meaning we make situations way more dramatic then they truly are....

If that guy that you're crushing on or dating doesn't call at 8pm like he said he must not be into you, and is trying to give you a hint. Meanwhile homeboy is probably intending to call at 8:15. But too late cause you've already updated your Facebook status to "men ain't shit."

You show up at the club and take a gander around the room, and realize homegirl is wearing the same dress as you. Before you storm out or hiding in the bathroom all night out of unbearable embarrassment, complement homegirl on her good taste and keep it trucking. Just try not to shop in the most common H&M in the world next time.

When you are out an run into that ex that you haven't seen in a while, don't go running in the other direction. Or try to figure out why y'all broke up 6 damn years ago. Knowing damn well you couldn't stand his ass back then. Wave at his ass and switch as hard as you possibly can past him.

As women our emotions are going to try to run buckwild. Tuck those estrogen filled thoughts back in them ovaries, and remember that it isn't that serious, that mole hill can easily be stepped over...it's not a mountain.

-Becks

Daily Insight: Dream Of A Billion

Everyone has their dream guy or girl. This person could be modeled after some celebrity (ahem Larenz Tate in Love Jones) or guy or girl next door, but we all have them. Some people aspire to be that dream person to everyone. They make strides to ensure that they are desired and sought after by the masses. Whether it be buying that car their ass can’t afford, putting on those mink eye lashes, or just confirming to what they think may be the dream of everyone else.

The Dream once detailed this kind of girl in his song “Fancy.” The beady eyed ballad singer said “she spends her time abroad yachts, if somewhere not tasting wine. In Paris seducing me while we dine, she’s only 23 but ahead of time, she’s the dream of a billion men…go girl.” I’m sure everyone can picture this girl he sings of, but the question is do you want to be the dream of a billion or the reality of one.

I would personally rather be the dream girl to one guy, and he be my dream than the dream of a billion. The feeling of being the dream of the one you want to be with is the best feeling in the world. And it doesn’t require you to break the bank for that new yaki weave, spend your last on a chain, or be perfect in the eyes of everyone…you just have to be yourself. That’s enough to be the reality for the one who counts.

-Becks

Daily Insight: Pull Your Skirt Down Theory

I was asked by a friend of mine to touch on a subject that has plagued the male species for some time now, but is becoming way more prevalent in this age of over sharing. Ever been scrolling through your favorite social network, and stumble upon a grown ass man crying (not literally) about something? Now, I appreciate a man expressing their feelings just as much as anyone else…but I do not appreciate a crying ass man. Allow me to elaborate.

I call this the Drake theory. We all know good old Drake, the Canadian singer/rapper/Kleenex spokesperson. He has made it common place for men to cry, whine, complain, ect over every little thing. Not only is this not attractive, it’s down right annoying.

I like to refer to the feeling I get when I see this happening more often than not as the “pull your skirt down” theory. I know we have all thought or said these phrases.Yes, I saw you call me 6 times, then text to let me know you called 6 times. Yes, I’m going to go kick it with my girls this weekend. Yes, I am finally over you…after you played me a year ago, then tried to get back into my good graces when plan B failed. Yes, not everything will go your way.

We all have come across these guys. And we all have had to say these things to them. Next time you come across one, just tell them to pull their skirt down, and get your poncho out for the waterworks that are sure to follow.

-Becks

Daily Insight: Let The Top Back

There are those days when everything going right in your life seems to just overwhelm you. Those are the days you just have to “let the top back and thank God for the day,” as Rick Ross would day. There are several days when I wake up, maybe not in the best of moods, because I personally think 7:30 is too early for any human being to open their eyes. But, as the day wears on, and I take a moment to reflect all I’ve been blessed with it can be overwhelming at times. I am extremely blessed and highly favored.

I have family that supports and loves me, I have friends that I can depend on, and push me to accomplish more. I have experiences that have shaped the person I am today. I have enough sense to make the right decisions, and when I don’t I can learn from them.

With all that said, although I don’t have a convertible…hell, I don’t even have a sun roof…I still metaphorically let the top back and thank God for the day!

-Becks

Daily Insight: Grass Ain't Greener

A wise man once said "the grass isn't always greener on the other side." People often have the tendency to see what others have from the outside and assume its so much better than what they have. But I have news, it's not that the grass isn't greener on the other side...it's the most green where you water it.

The single person sees that guy or girl in a relationship and longs to be in one themselves. Not knowing the relationship you long for is suffocating that other person and they're losing themselves in it. Why not water your grass, meaning work on yourself so when that relationship does come along it can be with the right person, and you can offer that person the best version of yourself.

You think your homie with the freelance job, making their own schedule is living the life and you want that. Why not poke your head out of that cubicle long enough to realize with hard work and consistency you can have a job you love just as much, and have stability all at the same time.

I'm saying this to say don't go peaking over that fence to your neighbors lawn at their grass. Put your focus on your own grass and water the hell out of it. You never know what kind of weeds they have over there.

-Becks

Daily Insight: 25 Ain't 45

A wise man once said “we just having the time of our lives right now!” I couldn’t agree more with Mr. Carter.

I turned 25 a little over a month ago. When this milestone birthday was creeping up, I had no reservations about it, but as I’ve recently learned this carefree attitude is not shared by all of my peers. A friend of mine sought my advice on this issue. She was worried that her whole lifestyle would have to change because this quarter century birthday was coming up. I had a complete list of thoughts I shared with her on why you should not change a damn thing because you’re now 25. And because this is my here blog I’ll share what I told her.

First thing I made very clear. Last time I checked there is no line drawn in the fabric of time to say “at 25 you must immediately cease macking and hanging.” Yes, 25 is a big birthday but if you are satisfied with your lifestyle at 24, why should it change at 25?!

I have some news to share. We are not Cinderella. My chariot will not turn into a pumpkin at the stroke of midnight on my 25th birthday, and the bottle of Patron I’m grasping onto at my celebration of this birthday will not turn into a baby bottle!

The biggest transition birthday to me was the 21 to 22 year. I was able to graduate college in that year, and finally be able to enjoy my lifestyle with a little bit of money in my account. No more collecting bottle and cans to go to happy hour. Not like I ever did that, but you guys know what I’m getting at.

So let me let you guys in on a few fundamental truths that I realized on May 21st, 2012. Yes, I’ve officially been on this earth 25 years. I better throw myself one hell of a party (which I did)! And, I need to keep on the financial path I’ve set for myself to be out of my childhood bedroom sooner than later.

Everyone is going to have their own opinion on the matter, but I believe that the maturity you seek will come with time and not age. Yes, it’s true I don’t enjoy hugging the block as much as I did when I was 20. I don’t want to deal with a dude with no car as I may of tolerated when I was 19, and I don’t want to go to the same sweat box parties I may of loved in college, but those are my personal growths. You can’t depend on a number to tell yourself when you want to move on to new phases in life.

The moral of the story is age ain’t nothing but a damn number as Aaliyah said. If you’re having the time of your life at 24 I would hope like hell you’d want it to continue right on into 25. I know I surely did!

-Becks

Daily Insight: Scratching The Itches

Curiosity is one of those emotions that God gave us to get us in trouble and let us learn a few lessons. We all know that feeling that you get when you really want to find out about something and you do so even if it's against your better judgment. Those curious feelings are like itches. You feel it there so naturally your ass is gonna try to find out what it is, and eventually satisfy that curiosity by scratching.

A wise man once said "not all itches need to be scratched, because they may leave scars." I couldn't say "let the church say amen" to this more! We have all been I situations where we let our curiosity get the best of us and ended up leaving unnecessary scars.

It's natural to feel that itch or to be curious but don't let it get the best of you. We all have scars, but not too many that they can't be covered up.

-Becks