As we all know it is the most wonderful time of the year! It’s holiday season, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hannukah, Kwannza, New Years ect. The day in age we live in no one takes the time to send out too many holiday cards anymore. Too much hassle, too much postage, and God forbid too much writing by hand.
Therefore people are more prone to send out that good old “happy (insert holiday) to you and yours..” mass text. Now this is completely acceptable and even puts a slight smile on my face when I receive these from family and friends. What I will say though is BEWARE of the holiday segway text.
We all know it when we see it…the good old “hey happy (insert holiday), long time no speak how are you?” When this comes across your smart phone screen from an old flame or biddie you should automatically be thinking RED FLAG, FOUL ON THE PLAY, and BIDDIES AND BREADCRUMBS. This is the segway holiday text ladies and gentlemen. The holiday is a reason to reach out, but the long time no see comment is like the cookies and milk left out for Santa. That person knows neither one of you can resist.
It is masked as a harmless happy holiday mass text, yet it is personalized for you. And you are thinking nothing of it. 25 texts and a jug of spiked egg nog later, you are busting out old holiday photos of the Kwannza’s you guys spent together and listening to Boyz II Men Christmas Interpretations, and wearing that hideous sweater they got you. So next time you get a personalized holiday segway text do yourself a favor. Send the warm wishes back, then ask Santa for a new phone number. No one wants to get caught up in that holiday cheer.
-Becks
Monday, November 28, 2011
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Daily Insight: Place Settings
“Oh…well hello there November, when the hell did you get here?” That is what I woke up and asked myself this morning. This year is flying by, and I need it to slow its roll.
November is one of my favorite months though, strictly because my inner fat girl can not wait for Thanksgiving. It is the only holiday where gluttony is not only acceptable it is encouraged. Who you invite to break bread or a turkey leg if you will this Thanksgiving can be a metaphor for life almost.
We will all invite some people to Thanksgiving dinner this year, as we do every year. Just be careful who you set that place setting for at your table in a couple of weeks. Everyone that you invite to your table should be bringing something with them. I’ll be damned if you are about to eat at my table and don’t even bring so much as a bottle of wine, or an apple pie.
Not everyone is going to be able to bring their own Waterford china but damn at least a couple of extra napkins would be appreciated. Turkey isn’t cheap, and for that matter neither is that place setting at your table. So be selective of who you invite to your table this Thanksgiving.
I know whomever I invite will be bringing my favorite dessert, some wine and will most likely be bringing home a few turkey sandwiches with them...and I’ll be the one making them…make sure you can say the same.
-Becks
November is one of my favorite months though, strictly because my inner fat girl can not wait for Thanksgiving. It is the only holiday where gluttony is not only acceptable it is encouraged. Who you invite to break bread or a turkey leg if you will this Thanksgiving can be a metaphor for life almost.
We will all invite some people to Thanksgiving dinner this year, as we do every year. Just be careful who you set that place setting for at your table in a couple of weeks. Everyone that you invite to your table should be bringing something with them. I’ll be damned if you are about to eat at my table and don’t even bring so much as a bottle of wine, or an apple pie.
Not everyone is going to be able to bring their own Waterford china but damn at least a couple of extra napkins would be appreciated. Turkey isn’t cheap, and for that matter neither is that place setting at your table. So be selective of who you invite to your table this Thanksgiving.
I know whomever I invite will be bringing my favorite dessert, some wine and will most likely be bringing home a few turkey sandwiches with them...and I’ll be the one making them…make sure you can say the same.
-Becks
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Daily Insight: A Woman Should Have
A wise man once said a lot of wise things in this one particular poem..but one couplet really stuck out to me. A wise man once said “A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .. a youth she's content to leave behind..... a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to retelling it in her old age.... a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra...one friend who always makes her laugh... and one who lets her cry..”
I feel as though I’ve been blessed enough to have all of those. Being 24 it may be encroaching upon that time to leave my youth I’m so content with to leave behind. Lord knows I’ve had a juicy past, not Maury “you are not the Father juicy..” but a “what happens in Vegas may pop up on the internet and you have to curse your friends out to delete it..” past. Damn sure don’t own a cordless drill, but I’ve always believed all you need is a hammer…if you hit something hard enough it’ll most likely start to work..I mean come one I'm no Bob Vila or anything.. If I didn’t own at least one black lacy bra I’d be most likely wearing Monday draws on a Wednesday, and no one would ever want to see them. (Dont act like y'all don't remember days of the week draws).
And I have too many friends to count on one hand who make me laugh, and just as many who will let me cry…especially after a few mimosas.
I hope we are all as blessed to be that woman one day.
-Becks
I feel as though I’ve been blessed enough to have all of those. Being 24 it may be encroaching upon that time to leave my youth I’m so content with to leave behind. Lord knows I’ve had a juicy past, not Maury “you are not the Father juicy..” but a “what happens in Vegas may pop up on the internet and you have to curse your friends out to delete it..” past. Damn sure don’t own a cordless drill, but I’ve always believed all you need is a hammer…if you hit something hard enough it’ll most likely start to work..I mean come one I'm no Bob Vila or anything.. If I didn’t own at least one black lacy bra I’d be most likely wearing Monday draws on a Wednesday, and no one would ever want to see them. (Dont act like y'all don't remember days of the week draws).
And I have too many friends to count on one hand who make me laugh, and just as many who will let me cry…especially after a few mimosas.
I hope we are all as blessed to be that woman one day.
-Becks
Monday, October 24, 2011
Daily Insight: Bat Signal
Yes, we all know it’s getting cold outside. Scarves are being bundled, peacoats are being dry cleaned, wool socks are coming out of storage, and biddies are being cuffed. With this comes a phenomenon I like to refer to as the bat signal theory.
We all know the story of Batman, or at least I would hope, if not you must not of had much of a childhood. Anyway, whenever Batman needed to be contacted the Gotham police department would light up the sky with the bat signal, and Batman would come swooping in from some random shadow.
Being cuffed up with a new joint is like a bat signal to every old joint you ever used to talk to. I don’t know how it happens, but it seems as though every time you start to like someone new the old joints come swooping in from every corner they were lurking in.
Not sure if it’s the new random sappy Facebook statuses you’re putting up, or the new pep in your step, or the fact that you’re not out on the scene being single and mingling as much…but old biddies can sense it all. Remember Batman doesn’t come out of nowhere without being called. So if this cuffing season, you realize your bat signal is shining a little too bright, go ahead and unscrew the light bulb on that bitch.
-Becks
We all know the story of Batman, or at least I would hope, if not you must not of had much of a childhood. Anyway, whenever Batman needed to be contacted the Gotham police department would light up the sky with the bat signal, and Batman would come swooping in from some random shadow.
Being cuffed up with a new joint is like a bat signal to every old joint you ever used to talk to. I don’t know how it happens, but it seems as though every time you start to like someone new the old joints come swooping in from every corner they were lurking in.
Not sure if it’s the new random sappy Facebook statuses you’re putting up, or the new pep in your step, or the fact that you’re not out on the scene being single and mingling as much…but old biddies can sense it all. Remember Batman doesn’t come out of nowhere without being called. So if this cuffing season, you realize your bat signal is shining a little too bright, go ahead and unscrew the light bulb on that bitch.
-Becks
Friday, October 7, 2011
Daily Insight: Seasonal
If you haven’t been able to tell by now I have a pretty dry sense of humor. And recently I think I have accomplished the once impossible….I have found a series that caters to my exact sense of humor. If you haven’t seen the web series entitled “The Misadventures of An Awkward Black Girl,” I HIGHLY suggest you google that shit. It is hilarious!
With that being said a quote from this weeks episode of the series struck me as particularly funny yet true. The best friend of the hilariously awkward main character Jae had a revelation: “dating multiple men is like trying seasonal lattes at Starbucks, they’re not going to be around forever.” Jae (the main character) then asked herself “do I have to try eggnog to know I prefer the caramel latte?” She then reasoned with herself “na that’s how bitches end up on Maury.”
Now as soon as I caught my breath from laughing so damn hard, I thought about that concept. It is very true that biddies are seasonal just like Starbucks drinks. We all know this, so why do we act like we can only have one specialty drink per season?
If you want to try the Pumpkin Spice, the Apple Cider, and the Hot Chocolate all in one season who is someone to judge?? These damn drinks are not going to be around forever. Maybe you need to sip all three to decide come Christmas which one you’re going to be addressing that new cologne or that Louie bag to.
But, much like these seasonal drinks biddies should be consumed in moderation. You wouldn’t have a Pumpkin Spice and an Apple Cider in the same day would you? You wouldn’t bring biddie number one to Thanksgiving dinner than invite biddie number two for seconds and dessert, correct? As Jae from Awkward Black Girl pointed out “that’s how bitches end up on Maury.”
With that being said drink up my friends, the seasonal lattes are upon us, and so are the seasonal biddies.
-Becks
With that being said a quote from this weeks episode of the series struck me as particularly funny yet true. The best friend of the hilariously awkward main character Jae had a revelation: “dating multiple men is like trying seasonal lattes at Starbucks, they’re not going to be around forever.” Jae (the main character) then asked herself “do I have to try eggnog to know I prefer the caramel latte?” She then reasoned with herself “na that’s how bitches end up on Maury.”
Now as soon as I caught my breath from laughing so damn hard, I thought about that concept. It is very true that biddies are seasonal just like Starbucks drinks. We all know this, so why do we act like we can only have one specialty drink per season?
If you want to try the Pumpkin Spice, the Apple Cider, and the Hot Chocolate all in one season who is someone to judge?? These damn drinks are not going to be around forever. Maybe you need to sip all three to decide come Christmas which one you’re going to be addressing that new cologne or that Louie bag to.
But, much like these seasonal drinks biddies should be consumed in moderation. You wouldn’t have a Pumpkin Spice and an Apple Cider in the same day would you? You wouldn’t bring biddie number one to Thanksgiving dinner than invite biddie number two for seconds and dessert, correct? As Jae from Awkward Black Girl pointed out “that’s how bitches end up on Maury.”
With that being said drink up my friends, the seasonal lattes are upon us, and so are the seasonal biddies.
-Becks
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Daily Insight: Wise Words From A Decent Man
A wise man once said: "Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by Dogma-which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."
-RIP Steve Jobs
-Becks
-RIP Steve Jobs
-Becks
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Daily Insight: Detox
Ladies and gentlemen it’s detox time. No, not like Dr. Dre’s phantom album is coming out, more like “I’m sitting my ass still for a little while.” Something kind of weird happens when you have the kind of summer I had. You get tired. I mean like “damn I did too much in two months” kind of tired, not the “I need a nap tired.” I have been on 12 flights since April, and only Lil Baby Jesus knows how many other cities on road trips in between there.
And so I’ve come to the conclusion that everyone, even me needs a detox period. Some time to themselves to just chill out and regroup. With that being said, go ahead and embark on your own detox. Whether it be not raging for a month, or using up all those sick days you’ve been accumulating to sit at home and watch a the ID channel all day, or even do a whole bunch of nothing. I will promise you one thing. Come homecoming in late October I’m going to be back on these streets harder than Ortiz hit that mat after Mayweather sucker punched him on Saturday. :)
-Becks
And so I’ve come to the conclusion that everyone, even me needs a detox period. Some time to themselves to just chill out and regroup. With that being said, go ahead and embark on your own detox. Whether it be not raging for a month, or using up all those sick days you’ve been accumulating to sit at home and watch a the ID channel all day, or even do a whole bunch of nothing. I will promise you one thing. Come homecoming in late October I’m going to be back on these streets harder than Ortiz hit that mat after Mayweather sucker punched him on Saturday. :)
-Becks
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