Daily Insight: The Curse Of Eve

Women have to deal with a lot. Between cramps, runs in panty hoes, spanx, and bra underwire I'm sure we are the species that has it the hardest. With all that said there's something especially hard to deal with, that I'm sure is a curse handed down to us specifically from the Almighty cause Eve just had to bite that damn apple.

That curse is the curse of dwelling on something and thinking about it over and over until the point of madness. Ask any woman if this curse has ever haunted her and I'm sure she will say yes.

This may occur when she tells the Dominican hairstylist to go ahead and spray that extra oil sheen in her hair...and regrets this decision when she's walking around looking like Steven Segal for a week.

Or this may occur when she sees those cute shoes in her size but decides to do the responsible thing and wait until it goes on sale, and comes back to find that every other biddie in the tri-state area wasn't being as frugal and she can't find her size anywhere.

But this is most prevalent in the case of "should of said this, should of done that" when it comes to affairs of the heart. I'm sure Aphrodite the Goddess of love had it out for us child bearing beings when it came to the emotion of love. There's always going to be those times where you spend time with, or talk to a person who has that special effect on you...and something may go wrong, or everything goes right. Either way you spend every waking moment of the next couple of days thinking and rethinking of what you could of said or should of done to make this person feel where you're coming from.

Believe me I suffer from it too..and no matter how many other distractions you have your mind always wanders back to the "should I of told him how I felt? What if I didn't say this? What if I did this?" Nothing will take those questions away...

You just have to be settled in the fact that you're not the only one thinking this way. Eve did it to all of us.

-Becks

Daily Insight: Almost Doesn't Count

A wise man once said “almost made you love, almost made you cry, almost made you happy babe, couldn’t imagine why, almost had me thinking you had turned around…but everyone knows almost doesn’t count.” This song was written by Brandy when she was in her teens, but she was wise beyond her years.

I see it happen all too often. A half ass effort is but forth when pursing a love interest, and it’s never gonna count. You almost had me thinking you were serious about leaving girlfriend #2 alone, you almost convinced me you would actually follow through on a plan, you almost had me sitting around wating on your call everynight…but almost doesn’t count.

The most prolific line in the song goes “I can’t keep on loving you one foot outside the door.” Amen Brandy, I say to all the almost doesn’t count ass niggas in the world either bring the other foot in the door, or step your ass all the way out, and don’t forget to close it after.

-Becks

Daily Insight: Rolling Stone

A wise man once said “papa was a rolling stone, wherever he laid his hat was his home.” I’ve always considered myself to be a rolling stone in the sense that I was always on the move. But after this week, I’ve gotten to realize this phrase in more of a literal way. I was one who underestimated the impact that Hurricane Sandy would have on the island I call home. But after Monday of last week I was sadly mistaken. After being in a house that a tree fell on, in the middle of the storm, and everyone I know in the Long Island area losing power I was sort of stuck to either endure the cold in my house, or pack a few pairs of draws and some outfits in a bag and house hop.

After a few days of sleeping under a lot of covers, and only one cold shower, I decided I would have to become that rolling stone. And what I have discovered in my bag lady days, is that there are so many people I can depend on. I may complain about the fact that I still have no power at my house 9 days later, but there are people who don’t even have a home to get power back at.

The one thing I can take away from this experience is that when someone else has to be that rolling stone, I will be sure my home is where they can lay their hat, as so many of my friends did for me.

-Becks

Daily Insight: Does It Make A Sound?

I’m sure we have all heard the age old question “if a tree falls, and no one is around to hear it, does it still make a noise?” This phrase has been edited to relay many different messages throughout the years. In this age of technology, transparency, instant gratification, and over sharing I have taken this phrase to mean one more thing.

I know we have all encountered those people on social networks that use the platform to do nothing but stunt. What I mean by stunt is basically bragging about all the exotic places they go, parties they attend, the upper echelon they rub elbows with, and money they spend. Those people sometimes do not realize they’re doing it, but I’m sure they’ve irritated their fair share of followers.

Which brings me to ask: if you don’t post it on twitter did it not happen? If you don’t post that picture on instagram does it not exist? If you don’t update friends and strangers alike on every milestone in your relationship does it not happen? With peoples lives being as accessible as they are, are there some things that are better left unshared?

-Becks

Daily Insight: Mountain Out Of A Mole Hill

I believe the most annoying thing about being a woman is our emotions tend to get the best of us at times. We kind of let our minds run wild and make up all kinds of scenarios when over analyzing situations or the actions of others.

A wise man once said "you can't make a mountain out of a mole hill." As a woman we tend to do this more than we like to admit. Hell we would make Mount Everest out of a sand castle. Meaning we make situations way more dramatic then they truly are....

If that guy that you're crushing on or dating doesn't call at 8pm like he said he must not be into you, and is trying to give you a hint. Meanwhile homeboy is probably intending to call at 8:15. But too late cause you've already updated your Facebook status to "men ain't shit."

You show up at the club and take a gander around the room, and realize homegirl is wearing the same dress as you. Before you storm out or hiding in the bathroom all night out of unbearable embarrassment, complement homegirl on her good taste and keep it trucking. Just try not to shop in the most common H&M in the world next time.

When you are out an run into that ex that you haven't seen in a while, don't go running in the other direction. Or try to figure out why y'all broke up 6 damn years ago. Knowing damn well you couldn't stand his ass back then. Wave at his ass and switch as hard as you possibly can past him.

As women our emotions are going to try to run buckwild. Tuck those estrogen filled thoughts back in them ovaries, and remember that it isn't that serious, that mole hill can easily be stepped over...it's not a mountain.

-Becks

Daily Insight: Dream Of A Billion

Everyone has their dream guy or girl. This person could be modeled after some celebrity (ahem Larenz Tate in Love Jones) or guy or girl next door, but we all have them. Some people aspire to be that dream person to everyone. They make strides to ensure that they are desired and sought after by the masses. Whether it be buying that car their ass can’t afford, putting on those mink eye lashes, or just confirming to what they think may be the dream of everyone else.

The Dream once detailed this kind of girl in his song “Fancy.” The beady eyed ballad singer said “she spends her time abroad yachts, if somewhere not tasting wine. In Paris seducing me while we dine, she’s only 23 but ahead of time, she’s the dream of a billion men…go girl.” I’m sure everyone can picture this girl he sings of, but the question is do you want to be the dream of a billion or the reality of one.

I would personally rather be the dream girl to one guy, and he be my dream than the dream of a billion. The feeling of being the dream of the one you want to be with is the best feeling in the world. And it doesn’t require you to break the bank for that new yaki weave, spend your last on a chain, or be perfect in the eyes of everyone…you just have to be yourself. That’s enough to be the reality for the one who counts.

-Becks

Daily Insight: Pull Your Skirt Down Theory

I was asked by a friend of mine to touch on a subject that has plagued the male species for some time now, but is becoming way more prevalent in this age of over sharing. Ever been scrolling through your favorite social network, and stumble upon a grown ass man crying (not literally) about something? Now, I appreciate a man expressing their feelings just as much as anyone else…but I do not appreciate a crying ass man. Allow me to elaborate.

I call this the Drake theory. We all know good old Drake, the Canadian singer/rapper/Kleenex spokesperson. He has made it common place for men to cry, whine, complain, ect over every little thing. Not only is this not attractive, it’s down right annoying.

I like to refer to the feeling I get when I see this happening more often than not as the “pull your skirt down” theory. I know we have all thought or said these phrases.Yes, I saw you call me 6 times, then text to let me know you called 6 times. Yes, I’m going to go kick it with my girls this weekend. Yes, I am finally over you…after you played me a year ago, then tried to get back into my good graces when plan B failed. Yes, not everything will go your way.

We all have come across these guys. And we all have had to say these things to them. Next time you come across one, just tell them to pull their skirt down, and get your poncho out for the waterworks that are sure to follow.

-Becks

Daily Insight: Let The Top Back

There are those days when everything going right in your life seems to just overwhelm you. Those are the days you just have to “let the top back and thank God for the day,” as Rick Ross would day. There are several days when I wake up, maybe not in the best of moods, because I personally think 7:30 is too early for any human being to open their eyes. But, as the day wears on, and I take a moment to reflect all I’ve been blessed with it can be overwhelming at times. I am extremely blessed and highly favored.

I have family that supports and loves me, I have friends that I can depend on, and push me to accomplish more. I have experiences that have shaped the person I am today. I have enough sense to make the right decisions, and when I don’t I can learn from them.

With all that said, although I don’t have a convertible…hell, I don’t even have a sun roof…I still metaphorically let the top back and thank God for the day!

-Becks

Daily Insight: Grass Ain't Greener

A wise man once said "the grass isn't always greener on the other side." People often have the tendency to see what others have from the outside and assume its so much better than what they have. But I have news, it's not that the grass isn't greener on the other side...it's the most green where you water it.

The single person sees that guy or girl in a relationship and longs to be in one themselves. Not knowing the relationship you long for is suffocating that other person and they're losing themselves in it. Why not water your grass, meaning work on yourself so when that relationship does come along it can be with the right person, and you can offer that person the best version of yourself.

You think your homie with the freelance job, making their own schedule is living the life and you want that. Why not poke your head out of that cubicle long enough to realize with hard work and consistency you can have a job you love just as much, and have stability all at the same time.

I'm saying this to say don't go peaking over that fence to your neighbors lawn at their grass. Put your focus on your own grass and water the hell out of it. You never know what kind of weeds they have over there.

-Becks

Daily Insight: 25 Ain't 45

A wise man once said “we just having the time of our lives right now!” I couldn’t agree more with Mr. Carter.

I turned 25 a little over a month ago. When this milestone birthday was creeping up, I had no reservations about it, but as I’ve recently learned this carefree attitude is not shared by all of my peers. A friend of mine sought my advice on this issue. She was worried that her whole lifestyle would have to change because this quarter century birthday was coming up. I had a complete list of thoughts I shared with her on why you should not change a damn thing because you’re now 25. And because this is my here blog I’ll share what I told her.

First thing I made very clear. Last time I checked there is no line drawn in the fabric of time to say “at 25 you must immediately cease macking and hanging.” Yes, 25 is a big birthday but if you are satisfied with your lifestyle at 24, why should it change at 25?!

I have some news to share. We are not Cinderella. My chariot will not turn into a pumpkin at the stroke of midnight on my 25th birthday, and the bottle of Patron I’m grasping onto at my celebration of this birthday will not turn into a baby bottle!

The biggest transition birthday to me was the 21 to 22 year. I was able to graduate college in that year, and finally be able to enjoy my lifestyle with a little bit of money in my account. No more collecting bottle and cans to go to happy hour. Not like I ever did that, but you guys know what I’m getting at.

So let me let you guys in on a few fundamental truths that I realized on May 21st, 2012. Yes, I’ve officially been on this earth 25 years. I better throw myself one hell of a party (which I did)! And, I need to keep on the financial path I’ve set for myself to be out of my childhood bedroom sooner than later.

Everyone is going to have their own opinion on the matter, but I believe that the maturity you seek will come with time and not age. Yes, it’s true I don’t enjoy hugging the block as much as I did when I was 20. I don’t want to deal with a dude with no car as I may of tolerated when I was 19, and I don’t want to go to the same sweat box parties I may of loved in college, but those are my personal growths. You can’t depend on a number to tell yourself when you want to move on to new phases in life.

The moral of the story is age ain’t nothing but a damn number as Aaliyah said. If you’re having the time of your life at 24 I would hope like hell you’d want it to continue right on into 25. I know I surely did!

-Becks

Daily Insight: Scratching The Itches

Curiosity is one of those emotions that God gave us to get us in trouble and let us learn a few lessons. We all know that feeling that you get when you really want to find out about something and you do so even if it's against your better judgment. Those curious feelings are like itches. You feel it there so naturally your ass is gonna try to find out what it is, and eventually satisfy that curiosity by scratching.

A wise man once said "not all itches need to be scratched, because they may leave scars." I couldn't say "let the church say amen" to this more! We have all been I situations where we let our curiosity get the best of us and ended up leaving unnecessary scars.

It's natural to feel that itch or to be curious but don't let it get the best of you. We all have scars, but not too many that they can't be covered up.

-Becks

Daily Insight: Playas Gonna Play

Every now and again, ok I’m lying like every 5 minutes a random song pops in my head. The random song of the moment happened to be 3LW’s “Playa’s Gonna Play.” If you really think about the lyrics these 3 Little Women were really dropping some jewels. A wise man once said, “Playas they gonna play, haters they gonna hate, ballers, they gonna ball, shot callers they gonna call.”

Now I know that these girls from this semi-popular group in the the early 2000’s probably just thought they had a hit single on their hands. But when you really think about it they are speaking some fundamental truths of life.

Everyone plays a role in life. First up are the playas, the people who have figured most of it out already. Whether, it is your cool ass Uncle still picking up women at the singles night. Or, that one person that always seems to have the perfect advice when it comes to the biddies of the opposite sex. You can learn a great deal from them. Pay attention.

Then of course you have your haters. The people who are going to push you to be greater because they are miserable with their lives. There’s nothing more to really say about that.

Now ballers, they are there to give you a constant reminder of something to strive to. Whether it’s making your dream salary at your dream job. Or popping models and pouring it on models every Saturday night. Hey, I don’t judge. But these people are here to remind you it’s attainable.

And of course the shot callers. The bosses, the parents, the planners. Where would we be without them? The goal here is to be one of them.

Saying all of this to say, the world has a certain balance of people that are in place for reasons. Find out which one is yours and start using it to your advantage.

-Becks

Daily Insight: Letting Go

A wise man once said “letting go is the true art of loving someone.” I know I haven’t been on this earth very long. 25 years to be exact in about a week, but I have found this to be truth. When things aren’t working with someone for whatever reason, be it a significant other or even a friend, there’s a point where you have to let them go.

Everyone deserves a chance to be freed, and experience all that life has to offer. Giving someone that freedom can change their life for the better. Believe me you will be a better person because of it.

-Becks

Daily Insight: Post Cards

We all know the feeling of talking to someone that has been around the block a few times. Now when I say been around the block I don’t mean in the way you may think…but they’ve lived a pretty full life. Whether they’re older or just had a lot of experiences. One of the favorite sayings of those kinds of people is “been there done that bought the post card.”

It got me to thinking…what if the experiences in your life could be personified with post cards? How hilarious, scary, or down right tragic would those post cards be?

Where would the cards be post marked from? Would they all be from the block, would they mostly be from the club, would they be from around the world? These are things to consider when looking back on the post cards of life.

Think about who those cards would be sent to. Meaning who are the people that are living these experiences with you? Are they usually the same? Are you 37 still on Momma’s teet? Are they with different people every six months?

And if you were to collect and keep these post cards, and take them out occasionally to look at them what type of feeling would they bring? Are these experiences ones you learned and grew from, are they ones you never want to experience again? Or are they ones that bring back certain nostalgia?

All I know is I want to be able to be that person lecturing someone else some day about all the experiences I’ve had, how I’ve been there, done that, and have the post card to prove it. Do you?

-Becks

Daily Insight: Case Of The Ex

As you mat notice, I tend to reference music a lot in these daily insights. It is one of my favorite places to draw inspiration from. The best lyrical songs will really get you thinking about some things.

We all know that awkward moment when you run into that ex boyfriend or girlfriend, whether it is the one that you never wanted to see again, or the one you slightly stalk on Facebook, we all have experienced the same thing. For the sake of the point I am attempting to make today we will go with that ex that still evokes some kind of emotional response from you, and not the gag reflex.

The song that really got me thinking about this topic was “Case Of The Ex” by Mya. If you can get past the half singing, half shrieking thing Mya does she’s really speaking some truth in this song….

A wise man once said “what you gonna do when you can’t say no, when your feelings start to show, boy I really need to know. How you gonna act how you gonna handle that? What you gonna do when she want you back?”

Now that was only the chorus…Mya really gets into the thick of things when her current boyfriend is called at midnight one night by his ex girlfriend. I will go ahead a break down the many valid points Mya makes throughout the song:

“Now what is it that she wants? What is it that she needs? Did she just hear about the brand new Benz that you bought me? Cause ya’ll didn’t have no kids, didn’t share no mutual friends, and you told me that she turned trick when ya’ll broke up in ’96.” There’s always that ex that will creep back around cause they see you’re happy with the next man. They have no reason to keep in contact with you, because you avoided having kids with they ass, and ya’ll don’t have any friends in common. Now you heard she or he been around the block a few times since ya’ll called it quits in ’96 so you damn sure don’t want nothing to have to do with them now. Avoid this ex at all cause. This ex is like distant ass cousins you didn’t even know you had, that come looking for a handout when you hit the lottery. Exit stage left and don’t look back my friend.

“She don’t know me, she about to know me. I’m in your life and that’s how it’s gonna be. I’ve seen her photo she ain’t even all that. So if you want her back, you can take her back. Cuz game recognize game, I could do the same thing. Get it right or take back this ring.” If you know the person you’re with now is an upgrade in anyway from your ex, don’t even think about it. No one wants to go from driving a Cadillac that it took your ass 3 loans, 2 jobs, and whole lot of saving to get, back to riding around in a ’93 hatchback green Honda Civic. No one should be hustling backwards especially your ass.

Mya poses some valid points in this song. Yes, she speaks in hoodrat terms throughout most of the song, but it doesn’t change the validity of the issue. The point of someone being an ex is the shit didn’t work before, and most likely won’t work now. Let them stay an ex. Or you can just do like I do, and duck behind the nearest large obstruction when you see them and hope to hell they didn’t see you.

-Becks

Daily Insight: Ol Pump Fake

Ok just a fair warning about this here post. It may come off a little petty, but I promise it is not. And I am not a petty person! LOL. With that being said, women have an unspoken understanding of how to carry themselves around men.

Yes, we all know the regular sayings, cross your legs, don’t swear too much, always be presentable, and all of that good stuff. Those are things your mother instills in you as a young woman. But, there are some other theories momma may not have made you hip to early on in life.

This theory was brought up in a conversation with some friends of mine. Everyone knows, practices, and lives by this theory whether they realize it or not.

This theory is something I like to refer to as the “ol pump fake.” For those of you who don’t know a pump fake is a move in basketball when a player on offense makes a motion like he’s going to shoot the ball to throw the defender off, but doesn’t actually shoot.

The “ol pump fake” I’m referring occurs when you go to dinner, out for drinks, or any other activity with a guy that would require paying bill at the end. We all know the motions: you’re sitting laughing, hopefully having a good time with homeboy and he hasn’t made you want to pull all your eyelashes out by then. Eventually the waiter puts the bill down on the table, and the man reaches for the bill. He takes a look at said bill, and tries to remain as calm as possible while looking at it. Meaning he’s probably calculations what the hell you ordered, and not trying to let his face show he’s crunching some serious numbers. At the exact moment when he’s looking up from the glance he just took at the bill you pull the “ol pump fake.”

You reach around to your purse and reach for your wallet as though you are getting money out to pay. BUT you have no intention of taking said wallet out of your damn purse. At this point said guy shoos you away and says he’ll take care of the bill. YOU my friend look like a decent human being at that point, with manners. Knowing damn well you had no intention of using any of your American dollars on that date.

This is the first rule of the girl-code. Now, this doesn’t apply to third, fourth or fifth dates with the same man. At some point I feel as though you should offer to pay for real, not just pump fake. But, this is something your mama didn’t tell you when she was telling you not to curse like a sailor in front of a man. You’re welcome ladies, you’re welcome.

Daily Insight: Gathering Nuts

Ok I know what y'all are thinking...wtf is that title about? But allow me to explain. We are in the dead of winter my friends. It's cold and if you're anything like me, I like to hibernate in the winter...at least on the weekdays.

With that being said a successful hibernation season is not possible without gathering up the necessary things before the hibernation begins. This means making sure you gather up all those nuts in the summer and fall like a squirrel. If you've ever noticed squirrels are on a mission in the warmer months.

For us homo sapiens we don't gather nuts per say but we do gather other things. A couple of those particular things I speak of are as follows:

Make sure your ass is not caught out there mid-hibernation with no cuddle buddy, or biddie. You can only wear long johns and watch Love Jones alone so damn many times...make sure them nuts are gathered and stored for the winter. Don't forget to gather your ass up and get into the gym! No one is eating a baby spinach salad in the winter it just doesn't fit. Therefore make sure you can fit back into them sundresses and cargo shorts come summer. And lastly make sure you gather up that money. Hibernating may be boring at times but guess what boredom leads to....saving money! I don't know about y'all but I went on 6 vacations last summer...I'd like to be able to do it again without going for broke. Best believe I'll be dipping into that nut stash to make sure that happens.

With that being said its not too late to gather a few more nuts people....don't get caught out there running low on nuts with the winter not even half way over.

-Becks